


The Flower We Saw That Day

by teahyunq (Barakute)



Category: anohana - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst and Feels, Feels, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-29 22:56:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6397282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barakute/pseuds/teahyunq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>❝Why did you have to come back to haunt me?!❞</p><p>               ❝I didn't come back to haunt you. I came back to save you.❞</p><p>The story of moments that turned into memories, memories that turned into nothing, and nothing that turned into everything.</p><p>All rights reserved. Copyright © 2016 | Claudia Lopes</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 00

_**Jungkook** _

 

I can't bring myself to think about it too much. Every time I try to remember what happened that day, my memories get blurred from the tears in my eyes and the sharp pain on my chest. All that I can recall, all that I want to recall, is that flower. Summer isn't the season flowers grow, and that flower is the living proof of it. It was so small in comparison to the others, so fragile. It was closed shut as the others openly absorbed the sunlight, enjoying every bit of warmth the rays of sunshine emitted. The other boys all ran through the meadow, but I stood still, observing the flower, observing my friends, watching as life passed me by. As an eight year old, you don't quite realize how fragile you are. How everything can break so easily in a fraction of second. Looking back to that day, I should have understood, I should have saw the truth behind that flower. Life is frail. It's so beautifully frail. Little did we know back then, that if we weren't careful, it could end dramatically and break everything we've ever built. Little did I know that if I had said what I wanted to say, maybe things would have turned out differently. Now I know that it was all my fault, but back then, as guilt engulfed me, I fought my hardest to convince myself that what happened had been wanted by God, but now I know the truth. There is no God and there is no excuse. I killed Park Jimin. And I will never be able to forgive myself for it.


	2. 01

**_Jungkook_ **

I look around my hopelessly messy room as I frantically search for a clean change of clothes to wear. There's clothes scattered all over the floor and I hit my face with the palms of my hands.

Why am I so messy?

I need to be at work in ten minutes and I haven't even showered or had lunch. I pick up a pair of black skinny jeans and pull them up my legs, and proceed to find a t-shirt that doesn't smell of sweat or tobacco. Maybe I don't smell that bad and a shower isn't exactly necessary.

I put on a ridiculous amount of deodorant and slip in a white tee, analysing it carefully so there isn't any stains of anything on it. I smell it once more and conclude that it's probably clean for it has a pleasant smell of the detergent my mother uses.

I carelessly slip into my black converse high and grab a black cardigan in case it gets cold later tonight.

"Mom?" I call out, running outside my room. Being the careless person that I am, I hit the bedside table on my way out and something falls onto the floor with a shattering sound.

My heart immediately stops when I realize what's the only thing that could have fallen and shattered. Although I'm already incredibly late, I don't mind being even more late for a stupid summer job at the town's bookshop. I quickly grab the fractured object in my trembling hands and suck in a sharp breath when I see the shattered frame holding my favourite picture of my favourite moment ever. There we were, so innocent, so pure, unaware of the fact that bad things happen to everyone.

Tears start picking my eyes as I recall the moment he gave me the frame with the picture on it.

"I made it myself," he said proudly. "I made one for each of us, so we never forget about each other."

I remember hugging him so tightly I never wished to let go. We were all so happy, why did it have to happen? Hey did he have to be taken away? And all because of me.

"I'm sorry, Jimin." I mumble and I place the broken frame on top of my bedside table.

I look at it for a few more seconds as I stand on my knees in front of it. The seven of us were happily smiling at Hoseok's house, standing by his pool and enjoying ourselves as well as each other. I miss those days. The days where we were still together everyday, where we cared about each other. Now when we see each other on the street or at the grocery shop, we simply look away and follow our own paths. I can't help but feel like they know it's my fault. I never told them what truly happened that day but I have the feeling they know it was me who killed Jimin, and maybe that's why they won't speak to me anymore.

I start feeling my face wetter by the second and when I realize it I'm already crying, my stomach clenching and my heart aching. I haven't cried over this in about a week, and that's about as long as I've ever handled without crying since the accident.

"I'm sorry, Jimin." I repeat, this time with a shaky voice.

"Honey?" I'm interrupted by my mother, who immediately drops on her knees next to me. "Honey, what's wrong?" She asks and I point at the broken frame, feeling disgusted at myself for not being more careful with it. "It's okay!" She says, but I can't tell by her high pitched voice that it's painful for her to see me crying like that. "We'll fix it, it's just the glass that's broken, we'll get a new one."

I nod, but I know it won't be the same. That glass, that frame, they still have his fingerprints on them. They still have his mark on them. A proof that he was once alive and that he loved me as much as I loved him.

I still do. I still love him.

I get up quickly and shove the bad thoughts away. I have to be able to get to work, I can't allow Park Jimin to be in my mind all the time, to stop me from doing things.

I look down at my mother, "Mom, I'm gonna leave for work now." I sniff, wiping the tears away and trying to smile.

She smiles back, "don't you want to call in sick?" She suggests but I decline by shaking my head.

Better than anyone she knows what I'm going through. I lost my father five years ago, and although that affected me, I wasn't as close to him as she was. They loved each other more than any other couple I've ever known.

"I have to do this." I say confidently and almost storm out of the room after kissing my mom's forehead.

I grab the pack of cigarettes I have poorly hidden in my pants and take one out and I leave the house. I light the cigarette as soon as I step out of the house and I suck in the smoke and allow it to invade every cell on my body, making me feel more relaxed. I rest my body on the building's wall, unafraid of getting caught by my mother, who I'm pretty sure already knows I smoke, and take in another drag.

"I can't believe you succumbed to that." A voice startles me and I jump, searching for the voice who called me out.

It's a high voice, and somehow it reminds me of someone. I turn my head to the side slightly and my heart rate accelerates.

Could it possibly be him again?

I used to see him all the time after the accident, my therapist and mother told me it was normal, that it was just the shock speaking louder. Is it possible that after all these years I'm imagining him again?

"Those corporations just want to take your money and kill you." He says and approaches me.

"Shut up." I say to myself and take yet another drag of the cigarette.

"I can't," he states, "we promised we'd never do it."

It's true, he's - or I am - right. The seven of us made a pact that we wouldn't smoke or drink or take drugs, ever.

"I said shut up, Jimin!" I yell, frustrated at myself for picturing him now, at this moment, when I'm so vulnerable, "you're not real."

He laughs, "You haven't changed a bit. You said the exact same thing ten years ago when I appeared to you."

I groan and avoid looking at him straight in the eye.

How is it possible that he's grown so much? He looks so handsome, so grown up, it hurts that it's not real. It hurts that I took that away from him. "

You're not real, you're not real..." I mumble to myself, taking a drag of my cigarette and then tossing it on the floor.

"If I'm not real," He says and approaches me in slow and agonizing steps, "how can I do this?" And he places a gentle kiss on my cheek.

And at this moment, I swear my world is collapsing on itself.


	3. 02

**_Jin_ **

_"Take my hand," Jimin asks, reaching out for my small fingers and intertwining them with his. "See, you're awake, can't you feel me? I'm real, I'm here." he says softly and I nod, absorbing his words as much as I possibly can._

_My hands can't stop shaking and my eyes are watering. My breath is unsteady and I can't quite put my finger on why I'm feeling like this._

_Suddenly I'm thirteen again and the anxiety attacks have made a comeback, making me unable to think properly._

_But one of the only people that can actually calm me down is here for me. Park Jimin's smile is enough to make my trembling fingers grasp tightly at his, allowing me to feel like I'm safe, like everything is alright._

_"You are real too," he smiles, removing a strand of my hair from my tired eyes, "you're okay." he states and I sniff, wiping my nose on my sleeve._

_It's so painful. It's so painful to be feeling this. I can't shake the feeling that he's lying to me. He always makes me feel so safe but this time, this time it's like he's just lying to make me feel better._

_Suddenly my heart starts pounding, and the pain that hits me is so sharp that I feel my whole body being engulfed in a cloud of distress and agony._

_"Jimin?" I gasp, and bring his hand to my chest. I clutch it tightly in hopes of easing the ache._

_"Yes?"_

_"Don't go," I plea, not being able to shake the crippling sensation that something terrible is about to happen soon, "please don't leave me."_

_"I won't," He embraces me and I start feeling tears forming in my eyes. He holds me so tightly that I almost suffocate, but I don't mind, I just want him to hold me. "we're friends forever, remember?" he grins and I gather the strength to bring my arms around his significantly smaller frame._

_I smile into the crook of his neck. He's right, he can't leave me, right? We're friends forever. Just like the rest of the guys._

_I tighten my grip around Jimin and he slowly starts loosening his. I frown. "What's wrong?" I question, shaking him up a bit, "Jimin, what's wrong?"_

_"I'm sorry, hyung," he says weakly, "I..."_

_And before I can process what's even happening, Jimin starts being pulled away from me, so harshly that I almost fall forward. "Jimin?!" I ask in a scream, "Jimin!" I yell in agony as I watch him being snatched from me and dragged somewhere else._

_"Jimin!" I start crying, trying to get up but feeling my whole body restricted from the anxiety of the moment._

_I try to reach out for him but I can't move, I am simply not able to move at this moment._

My eyes shoot open and my once stiff body starts loosening up, causing me to snap forward in my bed. I can't control the tears that already wet my scared eyes and the beat of my heart is loud like a drum, beating loudly in my chest.

What the hell just happened? I haven't had dreams like these since ten years ago, when it all happened.

I curl my fists into balls and use them to rub my eyes, and then I shove the warm sheets away and get up from my bed, walking towards the bathroom.

I look at myself in the mirror and can only see a mess. My hair, as well as my white t-shirt, are wet from sweat and my face is swollen and red. I can't stop shaking.

I have a bad feeling. A really bad feeling that, perhaps, something bad happened or is about to happen again.

The image of Jungkook flashes in my mind, but I shake it off quickly. It can't be something related to him, it can't be something related to the boys. I refuse to believe it is.

The truth is that my instincts are almost never wrong, but only for this time, I am going to ignore them.

It was just a stupid dream. It won't happen ever again, it wasn't a big deal.

I glance at the mirror again after washing my face, and part of the redness already disappeared.

My heart clenches at the thought of Jimin. He appeared just as I remember him, smiley, cute, caring, sweet... I miss him. I miss having him with me.

I reach out for the towel and wipe my face on it. Then, I return to my bedroom, my breathing, still sort of erratic, is making my head kinda dizzy.

"Get your shit together, Jin." I mumble to myself and turn the lights on.

I look at the clock on my bedside table and notice it's a quarter to 6am, and it's already the time I should be getting up.

I use the extra twenty minutes I have to open my books and study. Med school is absolutely killing me. The stress, the expectations, more stress... I can't believe I've been in this for years and I still haven't gotten used to it. "It'll be over soon..." I try to comfort myself, but it's no good. If only I had friends or supportive parents to help me out.

I feel so alone. So incredibly lonely. All my classmates strive to be the best, they're not bothered to make friends. I wouldn't want to be friends with them either way, they're rude and think they're superior just because they have money and go to a prestigious university.

I miss my old group of friends. I miss the six of them so fucking much it makes my heart aches.

Why did it have to end? Why did he have to me taken away from us in such a cruel way?

He didn't deserve it. He was the purest our of all of us. Why wasn't I taken instead? I'm older, I was pretty much ready to die at that time. It was the beginning of everything and losing him only made it harder.

God, why did you have to ruin our lives like this? Why did you have to pull us apart?


	4. 03

**_Jungkook_ **

"Kookie! Kookie, wake up!" I am harshly woken up by an angelic and yet extremely annoying voice.

I feel Jimin straddling me on the bed and slapping my body in hopes of getting me to get up and do whatever the hell he feels like doing.  
It's been like this for the past week.  
No one can see him but me, he follows me everywhere because "being at home is boring and I want to be with kookie".  
I called in sick and haven't set foot in the bookshop since last week, when he first appeared and disappeared right after kissing me on the cheek and making me almost faint.

I needed some time to adjust to what's actually happening, but I still feel like it's a dream sometimes. For instance, when he calls me Kookie or laughs at something dumb. It sounds so perfect, yet so unreachable. So it can't be true, he can't just have came back to haunt me so beautifully. But then he touches me, he touches me and my body is undeniably drowned in goosebumps, the electricity that follows his touch is enough to make my entire body shake.

So I'm left in this limbo, between what's reality and what's not. As far as I can tell, I could be sleeping, this could all be a giant dream I might wake up from at any given moment, so I might as well enjoy it as much as I can. Having Jimin with me might be a dream, but it's one of the best ones I've ever had.

I open an eye and look up at Jimin's handsome face, taking in his amazingly happy features.

I could have guessed he was gonna become this handsome. Every since I met him I've always found him extremely appealing, and that's what's gotten us in this whole mess in the first place.

"Good morning," I smile genuinely and fight the urge to pull his head down and kiss his shiny forehead.

"Morning?!" He hisses, placing his hands on both sides of my head, "it's three in the afternoon, Jeon Jungkook!" He scolds me and I notice his face slowly approaching mine.

My heart starts beating faster, and I quickly turn my head to the side so he doesn't try to do anything that we both want to do.

"Get off me," I groan but don't actually mean it.

"No," he grins and places a soft and innocent kiss on my cheek.

Once again the electricity is present and I almost moan.

His hips are right on top of mine and I start feeling blood rushing down to a dangerous zone. Oh God, this can't be happening.

"I said get off me!" I push him off and he falls on his ass on the floor.

"That was rude." He mumbles and quietly gets up.

Without warning he pulls the thin blanket from me and I'm left exposed, only in my boxers which I immediately cover up.

"You've grown so much," he teases and slaps my leg gently, "get up."

I blush and start groaning internally. This boy has always had the ability to make me feel flustered.

When we were little, and because I'm younger, he'd always tease me and ruffle my hair. Then he'd come really close and whisper in my ear something that would make my heart start beating faster.

"Why do you so desperately want me to get up?" I ask, rubbing both my eyes with my hands.

"Because," he starts, looking at the frame on my bedside table and smiling, "you still have this?" He interrupts his own speech.

I put it away when he first appeared but decided that it wasn't worth it to hide it from him. My mother got a new glass and it looks almost exactly the same.

I nod, not wanting to get deeper into it.

"Thank you." He says sincerely and approaches me, kneeling down in front of me.

I nod yet again

"But yeah okay," he starts again, "I'd like to see if the others can see me as well."

My heart stops.

I haven't talked to the six of them in years. I can't just show up with Jimin's ghost hanging on my back and hope that they take it as well as me.

Plus, what if they can't see him? So far I've been the only one that's been able to see him. If we both appeared to the boys and they couldn't see Jimin he'd be heartbroken.

"Jimin..." I take his hands in mine, "what if they don't? You were so excited talking to my mother and then you were so sad that she didn't reply..."

"I know!" Jimin shows off a crooked smile signaling he's hurt, "But it's the boys we're talking about! We're best friends forever! I don't even know why you don't go to Hoseok's pool this summer, it's so much fun there."

I feel a knot forming in my throat, "yeah I know, but we've all been pretty busy." I lie.

I keep lying to him. He doesn't know we haven't spoken in ages, he still thinks we're close, even that we got closer with his death, but it's not true.

"I know they'll see me." He smiles brightly, gripping tightly on my hands, "they have to." He assures me and I smile back.

Maybe he's right. Maybe they will, in fact, see him.

And in the case they don't, perhaps they'll understand that Jimin has came back. But before doing anything, I need to be sure that this is real and not some invention of my sick, fucked up brain.

There's so many things I wish I had told him, maybe my brain brought him back so I could tell him all of those things.

When it happened ten years ago it stopped happening when I started ignoring it, and maybe that's what this is all about. Maybe I just need to ignore my best friend until he eventually goes away.

Or maybe not.

 


End file.
